The Toddler Tango
In honor of my youngest turning two. I wanted to talk about the figurative elephant in the room.
I don’t understand why people call the “twos” terrible… from my personal experience all my children started this phase around 18 months old. I have heard all sorts of things about the terrible twos…and quite honestly, I didn’t “know better” with my daughters. Maybe you heard these cute gems too.
It only lasts a little while.
Wait until you get to the “threes”.
“Three-nagers” are the worst.
When my son arrived I thought I was “prepared”, but I didn’t meet the “terrible twos” with dread. I thought he was going to be my last child. And I wanted to hang on to whatever “baby things” I could. So, I didn’t carry that “terrible two” mindset with me. I was told things like:
Boys are different
They are destructive
They are harder to handle more than girls.
(Side note before I continue… raising children is hard…each one unique regardless of what is in the front of the diaper, may the odds be in your favor.)
My son is, well… my son. I came to the realization early on, that he was probably going to be the child that broke a bone, or did something that needed medical attention without someone there to help. So, First Aid and CPR certified I became. More on that later. Curiosity, and a longing to hold onto every moment because this was the last one.
Surprise!!!
Surprise my littlest one came along! Oh boy was I angry for most of my pregnancy. Furious is a good term for it. After getting over that I was pregnant again, I used my voice more actively for women. Breaking the silence behind gender norms and all of the “sunshine and rainbows” of pregnancy. I told myself that yes sleepless nights suck, always being hungry sucks, and I almost threw in the towel for breastfeeding. Thank you for the formula shortage…that is another topic for another time. I HAD ALL THIS EXPERIENCE AND WE JUST HAD A DIFFICULT TIME…and to some extent I just wanted my body back. But… *insert high sarcasm here* But, we will get through this. I don’t have to enjoy every moment and there will be a time where he doesn't do “this”.
18 Months and the Figurative Switch Had Been Flipped Again.
Now, in a very different mindset. I met this stage again, this time with curiosity. Why does the magical number 18 months turn my “very sweet ‘baby’ into this tiny terror of a human?” That is the thing, HE ISN’T A BABY ANYMORE! He is an inquisitive, smart, and adorable little human… He wants to play like his siblings, he wants to reach the things that are just out of reach for him…which he is very aware of opening the cabinet doors to give him the additional boost or even drag a chair over. I can no longer lug my “baby” along to wherever I alone want to go. The days of him just falling asleep and being alright in a new location are over. He likes snuggling with his corner of the blanket and using mommy as a pillow to fall asleep. He does not like waking up in a different location from where he fell asleep. Despite insisting he does not need a nap…he still needs a nap. I now work around this schedule so he can nap and not be a tiny super terror. Which is normal for people who are sleepy, hungry and overwhelmed.
This is also the child who decided he did not want to eat his breakfast. He wanted yesterday’s pretzel snack. Then cried when he lost it under the couch. After the rescue of that pretzel snack, he was happy again. Small crisis averted. A victory is a victory.
While he is navigating his world, we are navigating his. Instead of anger and frustration when he lays on the floor flailing, or something else in which I find overwhelming. I meet it with curiosity. What in his world is causing him to act this way? He is learning to dance with his world, experiencing new things, overwhelming stimuli, and understanding himself and the space around him. I am learning how to help him navigate in our world, giving him enough space to discover and being within reach for when he actually wants me or needs me to assist. The toddler tango, a passionate and fiery expression of discovery of oneself and the world around them.
To those with the “twos” around the corner… may you find this transition from baby to toddler smooth. Be easy on both of you, you have never been in this moment before. If things are feeling overwhelming, take a break. Remember to eat some food and not the crumbs left over from the meal. Drink water, and ask yourself when is the last time you showered? When it is safe to do so, shower. If that doesn’t work…ask for help. You are not alone in the world and this journey called life and motherhood. May the odds be in your favor.